<?php
/**
 * <https://y.st./>
 * Copyright © 2018 Alex Yst <mailto:copyright@y.st>
 * 
 * This program is free software: you can redistribute it and/or modify
 * it under the terms of the GNU General Public License as published by
 * the Free Software Foundation, either version 3 of the License, or
 * (at your option) any later version.
 * 
 * This program is distributed in the hope that it will be useful,
 * but WITHOUT ANY WARRANTY; without even the implied warranty of
 * MERCHANTABILITY or FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. See the
 * GNU General Public License for more details.
 * 
 * You should have received a copy of the GNU General Public License
 * along with this program. If not, see <https://www.gnu.org./licenses/>.
**/

$xhtml = array(
	'<{title}>' => 'Collapsed',
	'takedown' => '2017-11-01',
	'<{body}>' => <<<END
<section id="drudgery">
	<h2>Drudgery</h2>
	<p>
		I collapsed under stress today.
		As a result, I wasn&apos;t efficient at all in my coursework.
		Part of it is the school&apos;s censorship garbage.
		Part of it is the current, heavy coursework workload.
		Part of it is having given up all my study time yesterday to spend the day with my mother, when I so badly needed that time for coursework.
		But I think a big part of it is what I told my mother yesterday.
		I now carry the weight of her carrying the weight that her eldest child doesn&apos;t want to have ever been born.
	</p>
	<p>
		Anyway, I ended up unable to write a good paper, due to not having read half the material yet.
		Like, seriously.
		My paper was terrible.
		I&apos;m not even sure I covered the assigned topic, because I didn&apos;t know what the meaning of the topic was.
		Ugh.
	</p>
	<p>
		My discussion posts for the day:
	</p>
	<blockquote>
		<p>
			I like your dice example.
			Like you said, someone might &quot;know&quot; you won&apos;t land five fives in a row, but at the same time, you can keep trying.
			Eventually, there&apos;s a good chance you&apos;ll make it and prove them wrong.
			You can look at the base probability of each attempt and &quot;know&quot; it won&apos;t happen, but eventually, it <strong>*probably will*</strong> happen.
			You don&apos;t actually know at all.
		</p>
	</blockquote>
	<blockquote>
		<p>
			I&apos;ve sort of given up on trying to get things fixed.
			When I report issues, all I get back are lies that the problem is on my end, and that I need to do X, even though X breaks the school website in big ways.
			The probability of my reports doing any good are so statistically small, that I &quot;know&quot; any given report I take the time to file won&apos;t lead to any good.
			Of course, I don&apos;t actually know for sure on a given report I might make until I try, but the failure rate is too high to be worth the effort.
		</p>
	</blockquote>
	<blockquote>
		<p>
			Yeah, I certainly didn&apos;t get any sort of treatment for my depression.
			I wouldn&apos;t&apos;ve been able to if I tried, with my over-controlling mother around.
			Now that I&apos;m out of there though, I don&apos;t really think I need the treatment.
		</p>
		<p>
			Then again, I have been dealing with a lot of other stress over the past year.
			Maybe if I can find time in my schedule, I should seek some light counselling.
			I may or may not need it, but the shrink should be able to tell fairly quickly.
		</p>
	</blockquote>
	<blockquote>
		<p>
			That&apos;s an excellent attitude!
			With proper help, you&apos;re more likely to recover, and more likely to recover quicker.
			Getting help with illness isn&apos;t something to avoid.
		</p>
		<p>
			You mention that some people refuse treatment even when their lives are at risk.
			I can understand that mentality.
			In most cases, I would seek treatment.
			However, there are also life-saving treatments I&apos;d refuse.
			For example, I don&apos;t think I could stand the thought of having another person&apos;s organ inside me, and I really don&apos;t want to spend the rest of my life on immunosuppressants, which prevent your body from rejecting the foreign organ, but also prevent your body from fighting off infections.
			Since I&apos;m going to have to die eventually anyway, I&apos;d rather just get it over with if my health had gotten so bad.
			So I&apos;d refuse an organ transplant.
			I don&apos;t refuse lesser treatments though, if I deem them necessary.
			For example, I nearly went blind a while back, but the solution wasn&apos;t eye transplants; it was steroid eye drops prescribed by my doctor.
			I suffered some permanent damage from my ailment, but I got back probably 95% of my vision due to the eye drops.
			Also, the inflammation from before was causing me great pain, and that&apos;s gone now too.
			I&apos;d say taking the eye drops was the right choice!
			At a bare minimum, I would always consult with a medical professional about any major illness, to learn my treatment options.
			That way I could know if there were any palatable ones.
		</p>
		<p>
			I agree that a strong mind helps with illness.
			Sometimes, I notice the beginnings of a cold when I go to bed, but I almost always wake up healthy.
			It&apos;s like I don&apos;t get fully sick because I know I don&apos;t have time for that garbage.
			My mother doesn&apos;t get sick often either, citing the same probable reason.
			We&apos;re just too busy to let ourselves be physically ill!
		</p>
	</blockquote>
</section>
<section id="TorBirdy">
	<h2>TorBirdy</h2>
	<p>
		TorBirdy has started acting up again for the first time since I set my firewall to block all non-$a[Tor], outgoing traffic.
		It crashed three times today.
		I don&apos;t know what the deal is, but when it stopped crashing after I blocked clearnet access, I assumed some badly-programmed part of that plugin was trying something over clearnet, then crashing if successful.
		Either that, or Thunderbird was causing the crash if it detected it could access the clearnet for some reason.
		Either way, my crash-free TorBirdy days are over.
		At least now, crashing causes the correct behaviour.
		Previously, if TorBirdy crashed, Thunderbird would go back to leaking $a[DNS] requests.
		Now, it can&apos;t do that, and is instead cut off from the network until I reset TorBirdy, which is the way it always should have been.
		Leaking network traffic for any reason isn&apos;t acceptable behaviour.
	</p>
</section>
<section id="insect">
	<h2>Shield bug</h2>
	<p>
		From the kitchen lamp, I heard sounds of a large insect flying into the light bulb and getting fried.
		I assumed it was a fly that&apos;d gotten into my apartment and been attracted to the light.
		I took apart the lamp to confirm my hypothesis, and found a shield bug instead.
		Also, while it was moving sort of slowly, it hadn&apos;t been exactly fried.
		I guess a fly wouldn&apos;t&apos;ve been fried either, now that I think about it.
		In any case, I was able to rescue the thing before it did itself any serious harm, and put it outside.
		I don&apos;t like flies or pantry moths, and I&apos;ll kill them if I find them in my home, but I try to just put any other invaders, such as spiders, outside.
		I&apos;ve also kind of like shield bugs.
		I&apos;m not sure why.
	</p>
</section>
END
);
